Advice sought

Posted for advice on another site.

I recently completed a divorce with my ISFJ wife of 26 years. She was having an affair with her boss. During the separation and divorce I learned of their cozy relationship and house hunting trips. It was really aggravating to see that they were conspiring against me to the detriment of my relationship and my family. I never got an opportunity to try to "fix" the problem.

She received her 50%. We no longer communicate.

I have enough information to destroy the interlopers career.

At the same time I was cleaning out a closet and discovered some old correspondence I also happened on some news articles about exposing home wreckers on a web site. Coincidence or karma?

I tend to be a little obsessive and this triggered that response again. I think to some degree this may be theraputic as well as interesting to see him squirm and be the receipient of some major discomfort going into his retirement years.

Thoughts from other INTJs? Pull the trigger or not?

Here is my proposed draft. I would of course provide a picture and his complete name.

Here is the story of 2010 School Leader of the Year by the Ohio Alliance for Public Charter Schools. Ray L. He is also a home wrecker who damaged my family, destroyed my marriage and the reputation of the mother of my children.

Don’t shit where you eat. That advice was given to me by a wise neighbor. Not too complicated.

Keep in mind that the Ohio Taxpayers are paying for this guy’s salary.

Ray L recruited my ex and promoted her multiple times. He was well aware that she was married as was he for much of the time. She had a rapid rise, probably to the detriment of other candidates. He is pretty slick. I recently found correspondence from 2003 while cleaning out a closet that the ex apparently thought worthy of saving. This was prior to her employment. Some favorite quotes:
“I’m a Pisces and a dreamer”
“I’ve developed a great deal of fondness, confidence and belief in your abilities”
“I’ve spent all my life waiting, for a second chance….”
“If you’re at happy hour by yourself let me know-I’ll try to cheer you up”

I wonder how long it took him to close the deal?

Ray L was married with seven children. He is ex-military. I understand that his wife stood by him through numerous deployments. He divorced her in 2010. She was likely oblivious to their relationship
.
I should mention that Ray L is 10 years older than my ex. I am not objective, but he is nothing special. My ex was an ambitious attractive woman. As they say in the Army, a target of opportunity.

I always suspected something between those two. While I was on a boy scout trip she called and left a message that she was staying overnight in Columbus unexpectedly. I think she did this a couple of times while I was out on trips. I am out trying to strengthen the family and to provide for my family, they are out destroying it.

She knew way too many personal details such as the fact that at least one of Ray's relatives has questionable judgment and likes to sleep with married men; at least that is what my ex told me. I guess it runs in the family. Again, when does that come up in a professional relationship?

My ex told me more than once that some men cannot maintain an erection while under medication. She sounded a little too familiar with that situation. I do not have this issue. When does this come up? Pillow talk? Too much information?

I was told by the ex that he stabbed someone once in high school.

If you look at his performance record in the schools he has been involved in it is very unimpressive. We agreed that we would never send our children to this school. He has managed to generate a lot of money for the organizations to siphon off and keep some for himself. The last report card for his school was pretty pathetic. F’s and D’s and one C. I understand that he is now bringing his talents to Michigan and Indiana as well.

In my mind a good leader never crosses the line where their integrity can be challenged. In this case they blew way through that line.

After 26 years of marriage I received an email from my ex advising me that she had moved out and taken my youngest son with her. That was my notice. She now lives alone in an apartment with rented furniture. My youngest son has run away and joined the Marines. I don’t expect that he will return to Cincinnati.

During the separation, I learned that, prior to the separation, they had been on several house hunting trips together. They were worried about a tree in the back yard. They worried about the cultured stone counters. They worried about radon. They were not worried about the impact on the family, friends or career. They are too clever to be caught. Yes I have emails.

In Ohio it is unethical and probably illegal for a public administrator to provide anything of value to influence school decisions. 

“No public official or employee shall use or authorize the use of the authority or influence of office or employment to secure anything of value or the promise or offer of anything of value that is of such a character as to manifest a substantial and improper influence upon the public official or employee with respect to that person's duties.”

It occurs to me that providing companionship and other services would qualify. Also, Ray L led a board meeting on June 29th. On July 9th the ex purchased a $400 gift to Mr. L and had it delivered to his home. Quip pro quo?  Do sexual favors count?  What is the going rate?

Ray’s opinion on boards: “I wonder why people sit on Boards? Is it a cheap self esteem boost? I often think the many Boards I have seen are lead around by the nose anyway.”

We tried some counseling. I wanted to make it work and pretend it is all a bad dream. During that counseling I discovered that the ex had purchased a cheap disposable phone and was continuing to carry on with Ray L. 54 hours of calls. A couple of bad photos on it which may or may not have been sexts. What was the point in even going to counseling? I asked her to leave immediately.

The ex told me that women are sneaky. Some are also careless and not quite as clever as they think. I asked her it she thought it was right that David Patreous resigned. I never got a response.

I appreciate that is a bad reflection on me. I have many flaws but pursuing married women is not one of them. Meanwhile, the taxpayers of Ohio continue to pay Ray. He is probably working on closing his next deal.

There was no consensus. Some interesting responses.