Another date in July

The anniversary of my wedding. Now just another date on the calendar in July

I  keep busy which keeps me centered.  I have work, dating, projects and hobbies.  I have some cool mechanical things.  I have a nice home and an awesome dog.  However, it still leaves plenty of time to think about my fucked up life.  My long range plans.  Things I could have done better.  As I have noted before, overthinking is not just a hobby for me.  

Most have no idea what it is like to be single and 53.  I have had a couple of health scares.  The plan going forward is pretty vague. 

I acknowledge I lost a girl or more accurately she lost me.  It still seems stupid and irrational.  We had a 30 year history.  We came from Minnesota and shared Minnesota values, food and humor.  We moved to Texas with a dog and almost all of our belongings fit into the back of my pick up.  We raised two fine sons.  We built a pretty secure and comfortable existence.  We had some fun.  It was hard work.

I saw that go down the road with my ex for reasons I still have trouble understanding. 

Sometimes, I actually count myself pretty lucky.

Lucky, because I had 25+ years of a warm loving body next to me that I was happy to wake up next to every morning. Yes things were tough sometimes but it was generally happy, productive time and we have great kids.  I experienced real, true love and security and happiness at a high level. People I have met have had limited experience with those high rewards of life and I feel bad for them. If nothing else, I know at this point I've had more of that than some others ever will. I'm seeing things a bit from the other end now, that rather than just lament what I lost, be thankful that I did experience it, because many don't really get there.

 

I am still looking for my long term plan and security.  The girlfriend is nice but uncommitted.   It is complicated as they say and a change may be in the future.



I may or may not have another 25 years ahead of me but I won't try to fake anything, even to get laid.


Well maybe to get laid.....