“It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.”
Things that piss me off, amuse or bemuse me, including cheating ex's, INTJ's, scam schools, hypocrites, karma, cakewalks and dishonor. I bought the ticket and am taking the ride.
Special dedication to Raymond Lambert and Marie Hanna for providing the inspiration.
“What is happiness? It’s a moment before you need more happiness.” -Don Draper
I heard this quote on CNBC. With the markets hitting all time highs, we all want more. More money and more happiness. I do not think it works that way.
A fictional marketer pretty well describes our short attention span. Behind that quote is a smart screen writer.
"It is precisely we solitary ones that require love and companions in whose presence we may be open and simple." Nietzsche
Relief, acceptance, to be open and accepted.
Nietzsche, a philosopher and perhaps a loner. A man who would rather dance than think.. ""I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more to be than a good dancer." But alas, that may be the curse of a rational mind.
To dance, to be open. To have that simple acceptance. Somewhere to share my crazy thoughts as well as the simple ones.
Let's not overthink this. SWM seeking love and companionship where we might be have fun, be open, and be simple.
I think I may be in a good place with my latest companion.
The reasonable man adapts
himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the
world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. George
Bernard Shaw “He
had delusions of adequacy”Walter Kerr “He has all the virtues I dislike
and none of the Vices I admire”Winston
Churchill I have never killed a man, but I
have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”Clarence Darrow Diamonds
are nothing more than chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs. -- Malcolm Forbes
Simple pleasures are still the best. Yet that make me somewhat of a hypocrite. I work hard and chase the money and sometimes need to be reminded of simple pleasures. One of life's contradictions.
I enjoy the road less traveled. I search the wild places for peaceful discoveries. I avoid highways when possible. I have been to 49 states and am still missing Hawaii
I have seen and climbed mountains. I have paddled through remote Canadian lakes. I have dug my toes into the sand and dived in the ocean.
I believe we are each responsible for our own happiness. I would like to leave the world a better place than I found it.
I like mechanical things. They excite me. I want to know what makes them tick.
I love my dog and hope I can be half the man he thinks I am. He does not try to change me and forgives me when I fail.
I like most food, a little spice is good.
I grew up in Minnesota near Lake Wobegon, and did a 12 year tour for work in Houston.
I am smart and pretty independent. Last summer I rode a Honda motorcycle to Colorado and Yellowstone solo.
My sons are great and pretty well launched. The oldest in an accountant and the youngest is a Marine. I did alright with them.
I love music and great lyrics.
I have been lied to and cheated on.
I am a romantic. I won’t sit at home and wait for luck to find me. I will chase it down.
I like to cook.
“I am convinced that Adrenaline is an essential nutrient and that we take risk not to escape life but rather to prevent life from escaping us.” Author unknown.
I like to think, talk and read. I try to learn, always.
I am an over achiever. “That which doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger”.
“But
there is something in us which puts limits on such frankness, some obstacle to
this mutual outpouring of the heart, which makes one keep some part of one's
thoughts locked within oneself, even when one is most intimate. The sages of
old complained of this secret distrust - 'My dear friends, there is no such
thing as a friend!'
We
can't expect frankness of people, since everyone fears that to reveal himself
completely would be to make himself despised by others. But this lack of
frankness, this reticence, is still very different from dishonesty. What the
honest but reticent man says is true, but not the whole truth. What the
dishonest man says is something he knows to be false. Such an assertion is
called, in the theory of virtue, a lie. It may be harmless, but it is not on
that account innocent. It is a serious violation of a duty to oneself; it
subverts the dignity of humanity in our own person, and attacks the roots of
our thinking.”
So I can call just to tell 'em I'm fine, and to show
I've overcome the blow
I've learned to take it well
I only wish my words
Could just convince myself
That it just wasn't real
But that's not the way it feels
Some times times I think way too much
I spend too much time thinking about past mistakes or worrying about future events, that I spend very little time in the here and now. Rumination is unhealthy.
The anniversary of my wedding. Now just another date on the calendar in July
I keep busy which keeps me centered. I have work, dating, projects and hobbies. I have some cool mechanical things. I have a nice home and an awesome dog. However, it still leaves plenty of time to think about my fucked up life. My long range plans. Things I could have done better. As I have noted before, overthinking is not just a hobby for me.
Most have no idea what it is like to be single and 53. I have had a couple of health scares. The plan going forward is pretty vague.
I acknowledge I lost a girl or more accurately she lost me. It still seems stupid and irrational. We had a 30 year history. We came from Minnesota and shared Minnesota values, food and humor. We moved to Texas with a dog and almost all of our belongings fit into the back of my pick up. We raised two fine sons. We built a pretty secure and comfortable existence. We had some fun. It was hard work.
I saw that go down the road with my ex for reasons I still have trouble understanding.
Sometimes, I actually count myself pretty lucky.
Lucky, because I had 25+ years of a warm loving body next to me that I was happy to wake up next to every morning. Yes things were tough sometimes but it was generally happy, productive time and we have great kids. I experienced real, true love and security and happiness at a high level. People I have met have had limited experience with those high rewards of life and I feel bad for them. If nothing else, I know at this point I've had more of that than some others ever will. I'm seeing things a bit from the other end now, that rather than just lament what I lost, be thankful that I did experience it, because many don't really get there.
I am still looking for my long term plan and security. The girlfriend is nice but uncommitted. It is complicated as they say and a change may be in the future.
I may or may not have another 25 years ahead of me but I won't try to fake anything, even to get laid.
Reading and writing are among the most distinctive practices in human history: the study of abstract symbols used to render beliefs, experiences, physical descriptions, theoretical explanations and ideas in books, magazines and newspapers, on billboards and even computer screens.
Think about it. Written abstract symbols used to communicate, inspire thoughts, deeds and passions. Reading forces us to interpret the material world through a non-concrete medium—the written word. These interpretations force an active, even an aggressive use of our minds. This usage increases our appreciation of knowledge.
Reading and writing can be an intense personal experience. Not so sure about the arithmetic.
Inspired by Walter Mosly, author and deep thinker.
9 Unmistakable Signs You’re Dating An INTJ
Heidi Priebe
Pretty good article
INTJs are the rational, strategic planners of the Myers-Briggs world. They hold high personal standards for both themselves and others. This analytical type finds themselves drawn to relationships with other intuitive-dominant types who place a high value on intellectual exploration. If the person you’re dating exhibits most of the following behaviors, chances are you’ve got an INTJ on your hands.
1.They’re taking forever to make a move.
INTJs are not impulsive people. In fact, it could take them years to properly decide whether or not the two of you make sense together. First they have to discern whether or not they are attracted to you. Then they have to assess your suitability as a partner. Last but certainly not least (in terms of time allocation), they have to form an action plan regarding which steps they should take to win you over. This process doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a long-ass time for an INTJ to make a move but when they do, you can bet your ass they’re serious about it.
True, my self control is stronger than my impulsiveness. I have learned that this is not true of most people.
2.You feel a little bit like they’re studying you.
INTJs are interested in people – what makes them tick, what pushes their buttons and how they operate on a rational and emotional level. In the initial stages of getting to know an INTJ it can feel like they’re constantly analyzing you – most conversations are focused on you and you are constantly hearing the words “Interesting,” or “I see.” It takes a bit for the INTJ to shift the focus onto him or herself – they like to listen first and reveal their opinions second.
Only of you are sufficiently interesting. I want to know! A mystery, a puzzle to be solved. I am still trying to figure out women.
3.They don’t take well to changing plans.
If you’ve planned a dinner date with an INTJ on Friday, please – for the love of God – do not call them up Thursday night and say you’d rather go to a party. INTJs plan out their every move – they have probably been contemplating your date on Friday since Monday. Changing the plan at the last minute is offsetting to them – and will almost never go over well.
True!
4.Sex is as mental as it is physical.
To the INTJ, arousal is not purely instinctual. Attraction begins in the mind and the best way to get them in the mood is to mention a sexual fantasy that gets them thinking – hard. INTJs are creative, kinky lovers who view some parts of sex as a challenge. They want to constantly improve their game and continually get their partner off in better, more creative ways. This type enjoys the mental connection that comes with sexual intimacy just as much as they enjoy the raw physical component.
True
5.They understand your motivations better than you do.
We all sugar coat our own core feelings – it’s how we stay emotionally stable. The INTJ, however, isn’t interested in sugar coating anything. They analyze people exactly as they are – the good, the bad and the downright terrifying. They’re often able to identify what it is that inspires and drives you on a level that even you aren’t aware of. It’s a little bit creepy at first but it becomes incredibly useful over time. Just go with it. They get you and that is (usually) a good thing.
Maybe, they have to be rational motivations
6.They react best to direct communication.
INTJs have no patience for passive-aggressive comments or subtle remarks. If something is amiss in the relationship, they appreciate being told point-blank what is wrong and what the best course of action would be to fix it. INTJs want to maintain harmony in a relationship – they simply don’t care to achieve it through guesswork.
I do not get passive-aggressive. I am not a mind reader. However, if you are direct, it may take me awhile to digest the information and formulate a response or plan of action.
7.They don’t argue from their emotions.
To an INTJ, every conflict is a puzzle to be solved. Though they can get their feathers ruffled just like any other type, their first reaction is always to break down a given situation, analyze what is or isn’t working and strive to improve upon the existing method of operation. Sound a little technical? Because it is. INTJs use logic to deal with just about every component of their lives – which means they’re going to need a bit of reflection time before they can tell you how they feel about a conflict.
Rational thought rules! Emotions are scary.
8.They do, however, experience surprisingly strong emotions.
Once an INTJ has decided that you are the partner for them, they become highly emotionally invested in the relationship. Though they aren’t always the masters of showing it, INTJs are emotional – even romantic – at heart. They show their love by devoting themselves to the relationship and by tirelessly working to improve it.
True
9.When it ends, they need closure.
INTJs are balanced out by Ne dominant types – that is, ENFPs and ENTPs. The tricky part of this equation is that both types are a little less relationship-oriented than the serious INTJ. When a partner leaves the relationship with little warning, the INTJ has a difficult time moving on until they can fully understand the cause for the upheaval. Relationships are a puzzle just like everything else and the INTJ wants to solve it before they can finally put it to rest.
True, I missed the whole closure thing in my divorce. I think it would have made things a little better. Perhaps some form of relationship could have been salvaged.
We all need to say fuck yes to something. This is a challenge for thinkers.
Life is short, go for it.
How much in life is a fuck yes? Not enough in my opinion. Is that a function of experience, unrealistic expectations, or overthinking?
I shall endeaver to make this a bigger part of my decision making.
Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?
There’s a grey area in dating many people get hung up on — a grey area where feelings are ambiguous or one person has stronger feelings than the other. This grey area causes real, tangible issues. As a man, a huge question is often whether to be persistent and continue pursuing a woman even when she seems lukewarm or hot/cold on your advances. For women, a common question is what to do with men who make their feelings ambiguous.
“She said she’s not interested, but she still flirts with me, so what do I need to do to get her?” “Well, I know she likes me, but she didn’t call me back last weekend, what should I do?” “He treats me well when he’s around, but he’s hardly around. What does that mean?”
Most dating advice exists to “solve” this grey area for people. Say this line. Text her this. Call him this many times. Wear that.
Much of it gets exceedingly analytical, to the point where some men and women actually spend more time analyzing behaviors than actually, you know, behaving.
Frustration with this grey area also drives many people to unnecessary manipulation, drama and game-playing. This is where you get rules about making men pay for this many dates before you can become intimate. Or how men need to transition from attraction phase to comfort phase by qualifying three times before they’re allowed to commence an escalation ladder.
These things may seem clever and exciting to some people who are stuck or frustrated. But this dating advice misses the point. If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.
Let me ask again: Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you?
What does that say about you? That you believe you need to convince people to be with you?
You wouldn’t buy a dog that bites you all the time. And you wouldn’t be friends with someone who regularly ditches you. You wouldn’t work a job that doesn’t pay you. Then why the hell are you trying to make a girlfriend out of a woman who doesn’t want to date you? Where’s your self-respect?
The entrepreneur Derek Sivers once wrote a blog post where he said, “If I’m not saying ‘Hell Yeah!’ to something, then I say no.” It served him well in the business world and now I’d like to apply it to the dating world. And because I’m more of a vulgar asshole than Derek is, I’ll christen mine The Law of “Fuck Yes or No.”
The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.
The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.
As you can see, The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” implies that both parties must be enthusiastic about the prospect of one another’s company. Why? Because attractive, non-needy, high self-worth people don’t have time for people who they are not excited to be with and who are not excited to be with them.
This may sound a bit idealistic to some. But The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” has many tangible benefits on your dating life:
No longer be strung along by people who aren’t that into you. End all of the headaches. End the wishing and hoping. End the disappoint and anger that inevitably follows. Start practicing self-respect. Become the rejector, not the rejected.
No longer pursue people you are so-so on for ego purposes. We’ve all been there. We were so-so about somebody, but we went along with it because nothing better was around. And we all have a few we’d like to take back. No more.
Consent issues are instantly resolved. If someone is playing games with you, playing hard to get, or pressuring you into doing something you’re unsure about, your answer is now easy. Or as I often like to say in regards to dating, “If you have to ask, then that’s your answer.”
Establish strong personal boundaries and enforce them. Maintaining strong boundaries not only makes one more confident and attractive, but also helps to preserve one’s sanity in the long-run.
Always know where you stand with the other person. Since you’re now freeing up so much time and energy from people you’re not that into, and people who are not that into you, you now find yourself perpetually in interactions where people’s intentions are clear and enthusiastic. Sweet!
The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” is applicable to dating, sex, relationships, even friendships. You may have absolutely nothing in common with that bartender. But they’re hot and are interested in getting down. Is it a “Fuck Yes!” for sex? It is? Then game on.
Wrapped up in that sweet guy who treats you so well, except goes weeks without calling you and suddenly disappears after a couple drinks and a round of the horizontal polka? Been wondering if he really likes you? Do his excuses of being so busy all the time seem legit? It doesn’t sound like the answer is a “Fuck yes.” Then it’s time to move on.
Making out with a girl at your house and every time you go to take her shirt off she swats your hands away? That is not a “Fuck Yes,” my friend, therefore, it’s a no and you shouldn’t pressure her. The best sex is “Fuck Yes” sex — i.e., both people are shouting “Fuck Yes” as they hop between the sheets together. If she’s not hopping, then there’s no fucking.
(Hint Fellas: This is a great time to ask the girl why she’s not comfortable, and what she’s looking for from you. That, by itself — you know, treating her like a human and empathizing with her — often solves this “problem.”)
Want to date that woman you met last weekend but she keeps ignoring your texts and calls? Not sure what to say or do, especially since she seemed so happy to go out with you when you initially met her? Well, my friend, this is obviously not a “Fuck Yes.” Therefore, it is a “No.” Delete her number and move on.
Fuck Yes or No applies to relationships as well. My girlfriend works with a guy who got married because “it seemed like the right thing to do.” Four years later, he was cheating on his wife every chance he got. The marriage was not a Fuck Yes for him, therefore it should have been a No.
Sometimes The Law of Fuck Yes or No will apply differently on different levels. You may be a “Fuck Yes” for friendship with someone, but mildly excited to have sex with them. Therefore, it’s a no. You may be a “Fuck Yes” on banging someone’s brains out, but a definite “No” on actually spending any time with them. Apply the law to your decision-making as it suits your current needs.
Fuck Yes or No doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be falling in knee-wobbling love at first sight. It doesn’t even mean you have be completely convinced that someone is right for you. You can be “Fuck Yes” about getting to know someone better. You can be “Fuck Yes” about seeing someone again because you think there’s something there. You can be “Fuck Yes” about giving things a few months to pan out and see if you can fix the problems in the relationship.
The point is: both you and the other person need to be fuck yes about something, otherwise you’re just wasting your time.
A common Fuck Yes response from a woman. Flowers and all.
But the real beauty of The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” is that it simplifies the problems you can have in your dating life. When applying the Law of “Fuck Yes or No,” there are really only two problems one can have.
The first problem is people who never feel a “Fuck Yes” for anybody they meet. If you are lukewarm on absolutely everyone you meet, then either your demographics are way off, or you suffer from a lack of vulnerability and are protecting yourself by remaining indifferent and unenthused by all of those around you.
Remember, it’s your job to look for something cool in everyone you meet; it’s not their job to show you. This is life, not a fucking sales convention. Learning to appreciate people you meet is a skill you cultivate. So get on it. This doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with everyone who breathes in your direction. It just means you need to take responsibility for your ability to connect with the people you are meeting.
The second problem is people who never meet others who feel a “Fuck Yes” for them. If all of the people you pursue give you a mild responses, or outright rejections, then it’s time to focus on improving yourself. Ask yourself, what is it about yourself that would inspire others to say “Fuck Yes” about you? If the answer is not obvious, then you get to work. Build yourself into a person others would say “Fuck Yes” to.
And this is the ultimate dating advice lesson — man, woman, gay, straight, trans, furry, whatever — the only real dating advice is self improvement. Everything else is a distraction, a futile battle in the grey area, a prolonged ego trip. Because, yes, with the right tools and performance, you may be able to con somebody into sleeping with you, dating you, even marrying you. But you will have won the battle by sacrificing the war, the war of long-term happiness.
It's hard to reintroduce the wonderment of youth into a mature life. Maybe that's why so many cheat on their spouses and partners, that thrill of seeking out that which is new and exciting. But even that fades, at a certain age there simply isn't that much that is new out there. And that's when you have to come to grips. At some point in life there's nothing left others can give you to "make you happy" and you have to become happy through conscious choice.
Iv'e been pondering happiness lately. Or rather, my lack of feeling happy.
I should feel happy, I have nothing to be unhappy about.
That's when I decided happiness is most likely relative. Most of the things that made me happy as a child don't make me happy now.
"Make me happy". When I think about it even that sounds wrong. I don't think anything can make me "feel" anything. It's all brain chemistry in reaction to something from outside of myself.
Does riding my bike make me happy, or just distract me from my current thoughts?
I'm often happier at work. Or am I just more distracted from my current thoughts?
