Nonchalant

The Intuitive Realist: The INTJ

What a sexy title!


https://culturaldisasters.wordpress.com/2015/11/14/the-intuitive-realist-the-intj/


This author is spot on.  He or she hits on several key characteristics.   Good stuff here. I did correc a couple of spelling errors.  Must not have been written by an INTJ.


"Fiercely loyal, serious in tone, direct in communication style, INTJs are a hard win but a solid win. Once you’ve won them, they are the best ally you could possibly ever have but getting to that point can be a painful, laborious process. That’s because INTJs have really high standards for themselves and for others close to them. They do not wish to see themselves as mediocre in quality nor do they wish to be surrounded by hoards of riffraff. INTJs value quality over quantity, preferring perfection or something very close to it. "


"An INTJ’s mental construct is electrical energy protected and guided by fiber optics or copper wiring in a structured way. There are no random connections. Every connection serves a purpose and every memory or lesson learned is neatly filed away for future reference."


"INTJs also alleviate stress by engaging in sensory activities. INTJ hobbies (unlike their work) are usually highly engaging for eyesight, smell, taste, touch, and sound. They’ll get into dancing, car racing, outdoor activities, sports, music, cooking, etc. INTJs rarely pursue intellectual/cerebral hobbies as a way of relieving stress, rather finding it to be either pointless or even counterproductive to that end. They do, however pursue knowledge out of curiosity and practical purpose as well as genuine excitement but those motives seem to be independent of stress relief. "


"But there’s more to being an INTJ than just being hyper-efficient and strategic. INTJs are also lazy.
Yep, lazy.
The irony is that INTJs will often put a ton of work in at first just to make sure they don’t have to put in a ton of work later. The less repetitive work, the better. Easily bored, they will replicate a process only a few times before they decide to dwindle down the steps to even fewer. Lazy shits, they are but brilliantly so."


Laziness or boredom with some of the social connections can be a struggle.  This can be an issue with relationships that require constant and consistent nurturing.

Another blog

This guy is pretty interesting.  Vijayraj Kamat


https://favans.quora.com/


I am following his blog. 


He is an INTJ and deals with such mundane topics such as the meaning of life.  He also posts on being an INTJ. 


He has a pretty good TED talk about lies we tell ourselves which can be self-destructive.


Good stuff

INTJ dating guide

Checking my list....


Damn, I like this list.  A related quality.  Don't be boring.  I promise to try not to be boring.

Good Matches for the INTJ

Sometimes that is what it feels like.  I am beginning to care less and less.  THis week I think I doged a crazy one. 

I had an interesting but brief relationship in February.  I now run when things get a strange.

We spoke Sunday afternoon.  I told her I was invited to dinner and to watch the Academy Awards with some friends. 

Then the texts started.  Highlights include:

OK have fun

I am the prefect one

Don't be afraid of me

We are OK?

Hope your night is amazing

You are a thinker-what are you thinking?

Please disregard my ramblings-too much beer, not enough oxygen.  I care for u, that is all

11 texts in all!

I sent her a text that she was too clingy too soon. And that I was not perfect nor was she.

She then set me an apology which was somewhat reasonable and contrite.

Four hours later she sent another text

She claimed that "Bobby stole her phone and had the passcode because it was the same as the garage door code and he sent those texts to mess with me.  She graduated from someone clingy to a liar.  I dislike either quality. 

I advised her that I had an aversion to drama and wished her good luck in her search.

An INTJ Valentine

Some INTJ thoughts on Valentine's Day

A great INTJ description

This is probably the best description of my way of thinking I have seen online.  It is spot on.  The only significant difference is that I find myself surfing the web more and reading books less.  Thank you David Boles

http://bolesblogs.com/2005/06/24/mark-of-the-intj-rational-mastermind/

Mark of the INTJ Rational-Mastermind

My temperament type is INTJ or Rational-Mastermind and I’ve known that over many tests over the arc of my life and here is a fun link to a fancy online report on my personality type that makes it really easy and clear to understand how your type affects you and others around you.

If you decide to get tested for your personality type for the first time, please have it done in person by a professional so your results can be deeply studied and then explained to you.

Now I will make a brief attempt to explain some, but not all, of the oddities of the INTJ personality type. I am not making any excuses. I am just telling you what many of us are like and where we are coming from.

We are kind of rare. We make up less than 1% of the population. These “Marks of the INTJ Rational-Mastermind” are from my experience. Not all INTJs are created from the same bolt but many of us share some suggestions of these marks.

Oh, and when I say “we” let’s say I mean “me” because if I don’t I will be attacked by the other INTJ Rational-Masterminds who see themselves as independent and above being included in this prattle:

We are Information Hounds
We must know. We must always be learning and researching something new. I have 27 magazine subscriptions and my Post Office Letter Carrier is not happy lugging all that paper my way every week. I have 1,200 books in my bedroom alone. I read 12 online newspapers every morning. My books are my friends. I mark them up. I dog-ear them. I write all over them.

Books are tools that are friends. I listen to the TV, radio, my CD player and surf the web all at the same time. It drives people nuts! I promise you I comprehend it all. I am listening and watching and memorizing it all. Please don’t complain about wasting electricity or needing more room for your clothes in the bedroom. There are newscasts to memorize and friends that need shelves!

We Are Not Cold and Distant
We do not see ourselves as being cruel, cold, distant, unbending, unforgiving, mean, icy or impossible but sometimes people use those words to describe us. We are factual… some might say “lawyerly.”

We like references that back up ideas. When you accuse us of inappropriate past behavior and we ask when it happened, and where we were and what the weather was like and who was with us, please don’t take those questions as being argumentative or difficult. We are just trying to place ourselves back into that space and time to re-examine what you did not appreciate so we can fix it later.

We are not necessarily trying to catch you in a lie, or in a disremembered moment, in order to win the argument. We don’t live in the past or really even ruminate much on past events — unless we are actively correcting something for future use — so any clues and hints you can provide to help place us back in time and space helps us a great deal and we are probably not trying to give you a hard time.

We Are Viciously Loyal
We do not betray and we do not tolerate betrayal in others. Our word means everything to us because promises influence our acts. We do not collect friends or affection. We pick a couple of people and stick with them forever. We are not picky or choosy.

We just know what we want and we don’t want to waste an instant deceiving someone else’s good intentions if we are not interested. You always know where you stand with us. If we like you, we say so. If we don’t, we won’t have to say it out loud for you to know.

We Do Not Make the Same Mistake Twice
If we screw up it is rare if we willingly do it again. We are fixers. We are forward thinkers. We like to re-imagine the future with new behaviors that will result in errors not happening a second time.

Emotional? Heck, yah!
Sure we get angry. We are not emotionless. We have passion and magnitude and we express it when our values are violated (see Loyalty above) and that passion often gets misunderstood for anger.

Sometimes we are not great about sensing how you and others feel so you need to tell us so there is no doubt and if you are taken aback by what you feel is anger, ask us: Are you angry? We will likely be surprised at the question because we are probably just excited, hurt or trying to passionately explain the position we value.

Disconnected
We are sometimes accused of being disconnected from the rest of society. We aren’t disconnected to the present. We place the present past behind us because we are already in the future. Funerals, for me anyway, are a waste of time because we are not our bodies.

That thinking, I have learned, is offensive to many people on a plethora of levels. I am extremely connected to what is important to me but that interest does not sit looking back. Life stands in front of you and that includes everything that has already come before.

“Moving forward…”
As future thinkers, we have, at times, the uncanny ability to know what will happen in the future before most of the people around us. That ability is sometimes interpreted by others as being “arrogant” and we work on trying to keep our mouths from always saying “I told you so” because that doesn’t go over well even though we are right to say it.

In meetings I am fond of saying “Moving forward…” and “What’s next?” because getting stuck repeating the details of what has already been discussed is historic and problem-solving is anticipatory. INTJs are prescient.

We have the gift of, not predicting the future, but of knowing what will happen before it happens based on cultivating, chalking out and extending the current situation. Sometimes that can be scary for us because we can see something bad happening before our eyes before it actually happens.

We are not, however, mind-readers, so you can never assume we know something about how you feel unless you directly tell us. We don’t like to guess how you’re feeling so instead of playing with us, just lay it all out on the table.

No Living in the Past
The past is not of great interest to us. What’s done is over and what we think about today can change tomorrow, so let’s get a Plan and then a Plan B plus a Plan C and… so we can always stay ahead of the curve.

We live in the ether beyond the cutting edge and sometimes that place is a little isolating. We are often alone but never lonesome. We live without regret but that doesn’t mean we are content. What’s done is done. I find myself thinking two years ahead of others in what will be and what must be and what why be.

We Don’t Chat
We are not chatters. We don’t do small talk. We don’t need to drone on about the weather or our families. We are not terribly concerned about being liked or not. We are to-the-point. I tell people I work with that when it comes to criticizing me or my work to “be blunt and cruel, it saves time” and some people get offended by that statement because they think I am asking them to be mean and to insult me. I am not.

I am asking them to get to the point. Don’t poke around the issue. Stab at it! It’s okay to be direct and decisive with us. It’s pretty hard to hurt our feelings when it comes to work. We don’t like busy work. We like to get things done the right way first and move on… so know what you want before you tell us what you need.

Sometimes We Disappear
Disappearing is, perhaps, one of the most annoying things some INTJs do that people dislike. I promise you we are not trying to insult you or to hurt your feelings by leaving. We leave, usually without comment, from groups or meetings or parties or get-togethers because we become interested in something else. It’s that simple.

We decide to investigate elsewhere. No malice is intended in disappearing. We don’t see it as disappearing. We see it more like, “moving on…” When I get asked later, You said good-bye before you left, right? and I stammer out an Uhh as an answer, I realize my host probably wondered what happened to me.

Saying good-bye is a ritual that seems silly because I will see everyone again soon; but manners and societal norms require following particular stations of behavior in a standard order and I need to be more alert and adhere to those expectations in public where I can easily be misunderstood. We do great in one-on-one situations. When there are more than three people in the room we tend to hang out in corners by ourselves. Mingling is not a strong INTJ trait because it usually involves idle chatter.

When I warn people beforehand I am not good in non-structured group activities with people I don’t know because I am “painfully shy” I usually get laughed at for awhile because they think I’m kidding. A more helpful response is, “hang out with me and I’ll introduce you to some people.”

Right and Wrong
We generally have strongly-held values about right and wrong and “right and wrong” for many of us are defined in a social sense and not necessarily a religious one. We know the world is grey but doing the right thing — the promises we make to each other kind of morality — is important to us because it helps shape the world into the worthy and the unworthy of our involvement.

Seeing Justice done is a vital element for us because it carves the right stake in society.

That wraps up a quick glimpse into markers for helping you identify and, perhaps, better tolerate, INTJ Rational-Masterminds
lurking in your midst.

Don’t despair the one-percenters!

We may be awkward but we aren’t that awful! Don’t run from us. We make loyal allies, we can help you figure stuff out and we are really good at creating plans that stretch five years into your future… if you can find us before we disappear.

 

More INTJ stuff- Abused in Fiction

Some good stuff here:


http://mandywallace.com/the-character-most-writers-get-wrong/


The magic elixir: perceived arrogance + perceived lack of emotion + perceived unpredictability + intelligence = prime fictional villain.

INTJs Are Wicked Smart

• “Smart” doesn’t really explain the INTJ’s thinking, though. Because they don’t just memorize data. They break it down to its principles to understand how it all works together and what it implies about every other fact. This makes them incredibly insightful by other people’s standards.
• Objectively, INTJs have the highest collective IQ of any other type.
• Their Se function constantly and unconsciously gathers data from their environment providing the INTJ with accurate “impressions.” These “impressions” sometimes appear uncanny or bordering on the prescient to others. It isn’t magic, of course. It’s just data gathering and analysis. But because the INTJ discards the data once he’s formed an impression and shares only the outcome of his thoughts, it seems to others that the INTJ picked up knowledge that he could not have because nobody shared it with him.
• You can probably guess that teachers love the INTJ, but people with secrets don’t.
• To some, this intuitive quality can be very intimidating. And it’s prime villain material because a foe who “knows everything” seems unbeatable. (This doesn’t mean the INTJ actually knows anything at all, but it’s how some perceive them.)

Videos too!


One of the best insights into the INTJ mind comes from YouTuber, Cztanu. He’s an INTJ who creates video advice for INTJs and the people who want to date or understand them. He covers topics like: how to know if an INTJ is interested in you, warnings to the INTJ’s lover, how to keep an INTJ interested, and what’s up with INTJ communication delays.

INTJ Thought for the day Reticence vs. Dishonesty

“But there is something in us which puts limits on such frankness, some obstacle to this mutual outpouring of the heart, which makes one keep some part of one's thoughts locked within oneself, even when one is most intimate. The sages of old complained of this secret distrust - 'My dear friends, there is no such thing as a friend!'

We can't expect frankness of people, since everyone fears that to reveal himself completely would be to make himself despised by others. But this lack of frankness, this reticence, is still very different from dishonesty. What the honest but reticent man says is true, but not the whole truth. What the dishonest man says is something he knows to be false. Such an assertion is called, in the theory of virtue, a lie. It may be harmless, but it is not on that account innocent. It is a serious violation of a duty to oneself; it subverts the dignity of humanity in our own person, and attacks the roots of our thinking.”

Immanuel Kant

Some more INTJ stuff:

Some great things about being an INTJ.  We are a rare breed, which is probably good.  In INTJ fashion, I have improved this article!  Created by Andrew Ward.  Original link is below.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/andrew-ward/2014/10/10-great-things-about-being-intj/

1. Always Looking to Improve

Sure ‘The Mastermind’ may be the given title to INTJs, but ‘Tinkerer’ could work just as well—if ‘tinker’ didn’t have such a wonky sound to it. INTJs are constantly on the look out for ways to improve the world around them. This may annoy those that don’t understand the inner workings of an INTJ. Often they are almost always going to be their own worst critic. They often look for fix-up projects for themselves, or the people in their lives. It sometimes may seem meddling, but most are reserved enough to only help when asked. Once they do commit to a project, they are in it until the end.

Always….  I like to tinker.  My dad liked to tinker.  My thought process is how can this be better?  What is missing?  I small thing can plant an idea which leads to I really do try to improve everything we touch and think about.  This may include people.  Sometimes it occurs to me that some things and people should be left alone.

2. Comfortable With a Quiet Night

Like other introverts, INTJs are perfectly content with a night on the couch. By themselves or with their comfortable circle, INTJs love a low-key night. It’s not saying that they don’t like to go out at all (some don’t). It’s that they spend energy when they’re out in highly stimulating situations, where most of the world (extroverts) feed off that stimulating energy.

For many INTJs it runs a bit deeper. Their sanity can sometimes be linked to their need for privacy and quiet. Many pursue solitary activities like reading and writing to regain their energy. This can explain why many of them appear extremely irked when someone disrupts their private time. If they fail to communicate this to the people around them, the INTJ can come off exceptionally cold and distant. It’s something they should look out for at times.

This INTJ appreciates my comfortable circle.  It is a small circle.  Yet I also want to be stimulated.  Music, good food, interesting conversation are great stimulation.  I want to explore the world.  “All who wander are not lost.” I work hard during the week and look forward to some different stimulation on my weekend and any precious off time.

3. Mental Quickness

The whole ‘Mastermind’ stuff might have tipped you off to this, but mental quickness goes deeper than that. INTJs are a witty, innovative bunch that has an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. Consider them pack rats of wisdom, if you will. Once they have the knowledge, they use it to analyze and reach new insights of their own. Sometimes, they use it to better understand themselves, which falls back onto their desire for self-improvement.

True!  The way to get one off their game is to invade their personal space.  Hugging may work.

4. Rebellious Free Thinkers

INTJs have questioned authority as long as their nature has dictated. Just because someone holds a title of authority or seniority does not mean a thing to an INTJ. Respect is earned by everyone.  Rules need to serve a rational purpose.

We overthink.  We analyze all possible outcomes, good and bad.  It is a constant chess game in my head. Do not confuse free thinking and sarcasm with arrogance. If threatened I will react.

5. Extremely Loyal

One of the more frustrating aspects of an INTJ can be their extreme loyalty mixed with their high standards for honesty and morality. Loyalty and steadiness are highly desirable to them, but it can take some time to develop. Their reserved nature isn’t just some form of social aversion. Instead, they are gauging what could come of their potential relationships. For INTJs, it’s a highly effective way of going about life.

Once you have earned the loyalty of an INTJ, you have made a lifelong friend that often doesn’t let new people in. But, if you breach that trust it can be near impossible to gain back. Their trust can be lost by the slightest social norm that is otherwise accepted in society. For INTJs, the acceptance of white lies and other commonly accepted actions is not so easy for them—if at all. That can make their hardline loyalty the kind of bond you’ll never have to worry about losing. If you think you can sneak something past an INTJ, you may want to reconsider before losing a potential friend over something small.

Another truth.  I pick up on lies and inconsistencies.  If you are in the comfortable circle you will be given the benefit of the doubt. If not, you will likely be written off as an unworthy fool.

Generally kind and conscientious (live and let live) but viciously loyal is a better definition. My reaction to betrayal or if someone injures my family, will unleash the full fury of an INTJ mastermind.

6. Open-Minded

Most INTJs are hard to sway once they have made up their minds, but that isn’t the case when they are forming their opinions. INTJs are actually one of the more open minded kinds of people. INTJs are often part of the most progressive group in the conversation.

This can be puzzling when factoring in their judgment (J) tendency. How does the tolerance work with all that judgment?

I keep the circle small and do not tolerate fools easily.  Although sometimes I like to watch a good train wreck.

7. The Rational Approach

What may drive others crazy is one of an INTJs strongest characteristics. They take pride in possessing a strong, pragmatic approach to life, but it comes with a down side. While most of the world jumps for what they want, an INTJ takes their time—deciding if it fits their fickle standards. This can make relationships a massive issue for them. Then again, that rationale allows for them to also separate emotion from situations.

A rational approach can be a problem for the INTJ as well because they seek precise answers, which is not the way a large amount of people operate.

It should be the way people operate!  I have learned, but do not completely understand the thinking, that some people do irrational things.

8. Keen Observers

As previously stated, trying to get something past an INTJ is a dangerous game, my friend. Whether it’s big or small, an INTJ could react rather harshly if you get caught. The reason for that is their observation that rivals an owl. The ability comes from their introverted intuition being a dominant factor in their personalities. This fosters their mental quickness because of the constant flow of knowledge they take in.

When not using this to be amateur sleuths, an INTJ can use their observations to optimize a situation. They can remove themselves from the action to see what is going on, or hone in on a person during a conversation—especially if the INTJ is lacking anything to say on their end.

I observe and judge.  Not much gets by me.  However, I am disappointed when others do not do the same and fail to pick up on the clues I am leaving.

9. Hardworking, Determined to Achieve Their Goals

A lazy INTJ is something you will rarely come across. They are workhorses, but only when they want to. Good luck getting them to quit once they have found a subject they are in to. They will stick at it until they know it inside and out. Long hours of practice and studying excite an INTJ because they know they are that much closer to perfecting their task. Between their work ethic and mental prowess, it is no surprise that they often excel in tasking situations. Where others often become exhausted, INTJs remain charged behind their new found knowledge. If you can’t find your INTJ loved ones, check where the books and computers are first.

An INTJ is always multitasking and acquiring more information. I see very few limits if I truly apply myself.

10. Natural Leadership Abilities

When so much of their personality steers towards wise, fair leadership their reluctance to be the focal point puts their true ability to change the world into doubt. Their pragmatism and foresight allows them to make rational strategies that often come to fruition. Yet, frequently they will remain quiet unless they deem no one else fit for the leadership role.

Once in the role of leaders they can be highly effective. However, their nature to disregard emotions over the greater good of the cause can rub people the wrong way. A great INTJ leader should consider branching out of their comfort zone to factor emotions in while remaining their typical pragmatic self.

I am a modest man from Minnesota,  I lead my team in a quiet and respectful way.  I do not need to make work or schedule extra meetings.  I do not need to hear myself talk.  No drama.  I expect results.  They deliver. 

 

9 Unmistakable Signs You’re Dating An INTJ

9 Unmistakable Signs You’re Dating An INTJ
Heidi Priebe

Pretty good article

INTJs are the rational, strategic planners of the Myers-Briggs world. They hold high personal standards for both themselves and others. This analytical type finds themselves drawn to relationships with other intuitive-dominant types who place a high value on intellectual exploration. If the person you’re dating exhibits most of the following behaviors, chances are you’ve got an INTJ on your hands.



1. They’re taking forever to make a move.

INTJs are not impulsive people. In fact, it could take them years to properly decide whether or not the two of you make sense together. First they have to discern whether or not they are attracted to you. Then they have to assess your suitability as a partner. Last but certainly not least (in terms of time allocation), they have to form an action plan regarding which steps they should take to win you over. This process doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a long-ass time for an INTJ to make a move but when they do, you can bet your ass they’re serious about it.



True, my self control is stronger than my impulsiveness.  I have learned that this is not true of most people.



2. You feel a little bit like they’re studying you.

INTJs are interested in people – what makes them tick, what pushes their buttons and how they operate on a rational and emotional level. In the initial stages of getting to know an INTJ it can feel like they’re constantly analyzing you – most conversations are focused on you and you are constantly hearing the words “Interesting,” or “I see.” It takes a bit for the INTJ to shift the focus onto him or herself – they like to listen first and reveal their opinions second.



Only of you are sufficiently interesting.   I want to know!  A mystery, a puzzle to be solved.  I am still trying to figure out women.



3. They don’t take well to changing plans.

If you’ve planned a dinner date with an INTJ on Friday, please – for the love of God – do not call them up Thursday night and say you’d rather go to a party. INTJs plan out their every move – they have probably been contemplating your date on Friday since Monday. Changing the plan at the last minute is offsetting to them – and will almost never go over well.



True!



4. Sex is as mental as it is physical.



To the INTJ, arousal is not purely instinctual. Attraction begins in the mind and the best way to get them in the mood is to mention a sexual fantasy that gets them thinking – hard. INTJs are creative, kinky lovers who view some parts of sex as a challenge. They want to constantly improve their game and continually get their partner off in better, more creative ways. This type enjoys the mental connection that comes with sexual intimacy just as much as they enjoy the raw physical component.



True



5. They understand your motivations better than you do.

We all sugar coat our own core feelings – it’s how we stay emotionally stable. The INTJ, however, isn’t interested in sugar coating anything. They analyze people exactly as they are – the good, the bad and the downright terrifying. They’re often able to identify what it is that inspires and drives you on a level that even you aren’t aware of. It’s a little bit creepy at first but it becomes incredibly useful over time. Just go with it. They get you and that is (usually) a good thing.



Maybe, they have to be rational motivations



6. They react best to direct communication.

INTJs have no patience for passive-aggressive comments or subtle remarks. If something is amiss in the relationship, they appreciate being told point-blank what is wrong and what the best course of action would be to fix it. INTJs want to maintain harmony in a relationship – they simply don’t care to achieve it through guesswork.



I do not get passive-aggressive.  I am not a mind reader. However, if you are direct, it may take me awhile to digest the information and formulate a response or plan of action. 



7. They don’t argue from their emotions.

To an INTJ, every conflict is a puzzle to be solved. Though they can get their feathers ruffled just like any other type, their first reaction is always to break down a given situation, analyze what is or isn’t working and strive to improve upon the existing method of operation. Sound a little technical? Because it is. INTJs use logic to deal with just about every component of their lives – which means they’re going to need a bit of reflection time before they can tell you how they feel about a conflict.



Rational thought rules!  Emotions are scary.



8. They do, however, experience surprisingly strong emotions.

Once an INTJ has decided that you are the partner for them, they become highly emotionally invested in the relationship. Though they aren’t always the masters of showing it, INTJs are emotional – even romantic – at heart. They show their love by devoting themselves to the relationship and by tirelessly working to improve it.



True




9. When it ends, they need closure.

INTJs are balanced out by Ne dominant types – that is, ENFPs and ENTPs. The tricky part of this equation is that both types are a little less relationship-oriented than the serious INTJ. When a partner leaves the relationship with little warning, the INTJ has a difficult time moving on until they can fully understand the cause for the upheaval. Relationships are a puzzle just like everything else and the INTJ wants to solve it before they can finally put it to rest.



True, I missed the whole closure thing in my divorce.  I think it would have made things a little better.  Perhaps some form of relationship could have been salvaged.

More Intj stuff from the internet

Wow, I really can relate to this.  A great description of the way my brain works.  Good stuff.

Look at this below, these are things I wish I could express more directly in relationships, and I feel like any INTJ would want them to be expressed. It Is best that my hindsight and introspection be used to show others what can happen beneath the frozen exterior.

1. I use song lyrics (or quotes or many other things) written by others to communicate emotion. Symbols are also values as they communicate a message without having to use a bunch of words. Verbal expression of feelings is difficult because I'm almost self conscious about it. It's vocabulary I'm not used to using, and I witness others (feelers) using it in excess. I don't want you to think I'm just throwing words around. I have deep emotions, and while others may not see it, the connection that I seek makes it prevalent. I use the well written words of others to help me with this. And if I do say anything affectionate, it's a big deal. 
   
   
   True, lots of examples in my blog, including this one from Reddit.  Lots of thoughts where my writing fails me.
   
   
2. Spending time together includes doing our own thing while sharing oxygen. I enjoy you being in my space (most of the time). That doesn't mean I don't want face to face time, but we can spend quality time together without actually having to talk.
   
   
   Not too sure about this one
   
   
1. I am hard on myself, indescribably so. I am disappointed when I let you down because I know you are also disappointed too. It is one of the most painful things for me to think that I cannot measure up to what you want.  True for me.
2. I WANT to play with you; I want sex to be fun. But at the same time it is something very mental for me. There is much more that goes into it beyond arousal; it is connection based, extremely mental, and I want to be ONE with you.  True, nothing better than one on one bonding.  I think that is my "love language".
3. A relationship is an investment. I can decide quickly who will work out and who will not. I make quick judgments, and once I decide on the one who will work, I am invested. If I know a relationship is done with, I cut emotion quickly.
   
   
   No need to make bad investments.  Move on.
   
   
4. I look out for those closest to me. If I enjoy something, I want you to be able to share the enjoyment. If I’m able to enjoy something and you aren’t with me, I spend the time wishing you were there to enjoy it too. If I find something I like, I want to either share mine or get one for you too. It’s another way I show affection. 
   
   
   Very true, sometimes this does not work if the interests are not aligned.
   
   
5. Try to stick to the plans we’ve made. I get disappointed when things don't go according to plan. If we are going out on a Friday night, and we decided on Pizza, I can deal with switching to Chinese. Just don’t call me Thursday afternoon and tell me you have to reschedule. If I actually like you, I would have been looking forward to it. (If I was relieved you canceled, it’s not going to work out with us anyway).
   
   
   True
6. I am more sensitive than you think. I take critique well. I don't take your criticism well. You are important and so is your opinion. You do have the ability to hurt my feelings. 
   
   
   True
7. INFJs want peace and harmony. So do I, but peace and harmony for me looks like finding a workable solution or a resolution. I don't bend to make peace; I can get stubborn. I like to come to a win/win solution for us both. Loose ends bother me. I will never be coy about bringing up issues. Empathy is difficult because I can be self centered. Knowing I hurt you hurts me, but I also need to know why what I did hurt you. It has to make sense to me. If I love you, I am direct with you because I want things to get worked out. Bottom line: fixing the problem, and fixing it quickly, is the goal. 
   
   
   I like fixing things.
   
   
8. I always want to make the relationship better. It doesn't mean the relationship is broken. It just means I want to make a good thing the best thing. If I tell you to try something new, I’m not trying to change who you are as a person. I’m trying to help you be the best you can be. If I didn't care, I'd leave you to yourself. 
   
   
   Ahh, seeking perfection, sometimes guilty of this
   
   
9. I collect info over time and make general observations. If you accuse me of something and you ask for specifics, I have a hard time recalling exacts. I know something happened, I just don’t remember the trivial (to me) details. Once I generalize, I toss the details. If I do remember details, it means something is terribly wrong.
   
   
   I have an excellent memory :-)  That is not always a good thing.