Writing lessons

Someday I hope to able to write good too.

1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

2. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.

3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

7. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

10. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

11. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

12. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.

13. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

14. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

15. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at asolar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

16. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

17. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

18. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

19. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

20. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

21. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

22. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

23. Even in his last years, Grand pappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

24. He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs, I suppose.

25. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

26. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

27. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

28. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

29. “Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

30. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

31. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

32. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

33. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

34. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

35. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”

36. The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

37. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

38. She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

39. Her pants fit her like a glove, well, maybe more like a mitten, actually.

40. Fishing is like waiting for something that does not happen very often.

41. They were as good friends as the people on “Friends.”

42. Oooo, he smells bad, she thought, as bad as Calvin Klein’s Obsession would smell if it were called Enema and was made from spoiled Spamburgers instead of natural floral fragrances.

43. The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.

44. He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry, you know, the one who goes woo woo woo.

45. The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747.

46. Her eyes were shining like two marbles that someone dropped in mucus and then held up to catch the light.

47. The baseball player stepped out of the box and spit like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches itself a lot and spits brown, rusty tobacco water and refuses to sign autographs for all the little Greek kids unless they pay him lots of drachmas.

48. I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either.

49. She was as unhappy as when someone puts your cake out in the rain, and all the sweet green icing flows down and then you lose the recipe, and on top of that you can’t sing worth a damn.

50. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

51. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

52. Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.

53. You know how in “Rocky” he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw beef? Well, yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in.

54. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

55. Her lips were red and full, like tubes of blood drawn by an inattentive phlebotomist.

56. The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.

Wrestling

Scarlet Letters

Some more ramblings…

I am getting better at this divorce thing.  It is not where I expected to be.  I live and learn.  There are some definate positives.

Some concepts are strange.  I understand that 50% of marriages end in divorce.  Divorce was never threatened or discussed in my marriage.  I never thought that was something to be taken lightly or that it was likely to happen to me. 

I had no time to plan and was blindsided. 

I like to plan.  I am very imperfect but very rational.

A marriage of 26 years crumbled as a result of infidelity. 

I felt out of control of my future, which I was, and a failure.  I was on my own.  No one has my back.  I have been granted the scarlet letter “D” for divorce.   

It also attaches to my children and my ex.

Personally, I do not put a lot of weight into what others may think of me.  I am pretty comfortable in my own skin.  I am a survivor.  I will do what I need to do.  I now control my own future.  I might even be considered by some as a "catch".

I think my sons would have preferred not to have this label attached to the family.  It is unfortunate.

I have analyzed and over analyzed.  What did I miss?  What did I do to deserve this letter?  I never expected my lover and closest confidant for 28 years to blindside me.  It hurt a lot.  Don’t shit where you eat.  Don’t unnecessarily or intentionally hurt others.

The ex, Marie Hanna, also earned another letter, a scarlet “A”.

A woman wrote this on the Huffington Post:

“By having an affair, I wore the scarlet letter. I became the bad wife who needed to repent. I lost all power and negotiating leverage in the relationship. As hurtful as it was to my husband, it was self-destructive too. Having affairs compromised my values, went against my moral code, and broke my marriage vows.”   Barbara McNally

I think my sons would have preferred not to have this scarlet letter attached to their mother.  It is unfortunate.

I wonder if Marie has regrets?  I wonder if Ray Lambert is her “soulmate” (I hate that term, no one is perfect) or just an opportunist with an attractive target of opportunity ten years younger than his old wife?   There has been a pretty steep cost, I wonder if she thinks he was worth it?  There were other options which would not have made me so angry and disappointed.  What are her options now?  Admit that it was a mistake?  Start from scratch?  Or go full in and try to make one happy blended family on Glenstream in beautiful bumfuck Batavia?  Take care of an old guy with health problems that is not your husband?  I would imagine that his seven children are not complete fools and the fact that they have been "working" together for years has some interesting implications on their family.

I suspect she has a high dose of Catholic guilt as well.  It must be challenging to rationalize adultery while you are in church.  I can't imagine that her Catholic parents are great supporters of her actions and decisions.  It took them many years to appreciate me.  I don't think Ray will ever get there before they are gone from this world.  They will worry about her mortal soul.

I am not ready to sweep it under the rug and say that it is all ok.  It is not.  It will never be.  Marie really could not look me in the eye at lunch after our son’s graduation.  Not sure if she was scared, ashamed or just bored.  I am getting along fine without her.

I break people down into two groups, worthy and unworthy.  Worthy people are people that I would trust and behave honorably.  Unworthy people are the opposite.   Some of them wear letters.

 

Romance

Your eyes are like deep blue pools that I would like to drown in,” he had told Kimberly when she had asked him what he was thinking; but what he was actually thinking was that sometimes when he recharges his phone he forgets to put the little plug back in but he wasn’t going to tell her that.

 

Tucked in a dim corner of The Ample Bounty Bar & Grille, David welcomed the fervent touch of the mysterious stranger’s experienced hands because he had not been this close with a woman in an achingly long time and, quivering breathlessly, began to think that this could be the beginning of something real, something forever, and not just a one-time encounter with a good Samaritan who was skilled at the Heimlich Maneuver.

 

On their first date he’d asked how much she thought Edgar Allan Poe’s toe nails would sell for on eBay, and on their second he paid for subway fair with nickels he fished out of a fountain, but he was otherwise charming and she thought that they could have a perfectly tolerable life together.

 

Bulwer-Lytton Award winners on Romance

 — Dan Leyde, Edmonds, WA

— Mark Wisnewski, Flanders, NJ

— Jessica Sashihara, Martinsville, NJ

 

 

Suprisingly Deep....

We are at a crossroads of karma and selfishness.

Eons from now, we lifeforms will reflect like never before as we are recreated by the multiverse. Imagine an unveiling of what could be. This circuit never ends.

Fulfillment is the growth of sharing, and of us. Awareness requires exploration.

Suprisingly deep.....But pure computer generated bullshit.  I love it!

http://sebpearce.com/bullshit/

 

New Age Bulshit generator

A little know fact about me.  I am an ordained priest.  I can't say that I walk the talk but I have a piece of paper so if anyone needs to get married.....

Get ordained as a Dudeist priest. There are over 200,000 worldwide.

Thanks Mom!

I have a great one....

Feeling like a journalist

Started another blog to aggregate some information on Ohio E-Schools. An expensive failed experiment.

http://logicalconsequence.blogspot.com/

This is a corrupt scam run by opportunistic unethical people like my ex-wife and her mentor Ray Lambert.  SOme people suffer from delusions of adequacy.

As my grandfather said-"Your are either part of the problem or part of the solution"

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
George Bernard Shaw