Reading, writing and blogging

Reading and writing are among the most distinctive practices in human history: the study of abstract symbols used to render beliefs, experiences, physical descriptions, theoretical explanations and ideas in books, magazines and newspapers, on billboards and even computer screens.

Think about it.  Written abstract symbols used to communicate, inspire thoughts, deeds and passions.  Reading forces us to interpret the material world through a non-concrete medium—the written word. These interpretations force an active, even an aggressive use of our minds. This usage increases our appreciation of knowledge.

Reading and writing can be an intense personal experience.  Not so sure about the arithmetic.

Inspired by Walter Mosly, author and deep thinker.

Quotation for today

 “To wear your heart on your sleeve isn't a very good plan; you should wear it inside, where it functions best.”

Margaret Thatcher

Better protection!

Life Breaks us, then we heal

Life breaks us. And when we heal, we're stronger in the broken parts.  -- Ernest Hemingway

 

Songs, images and quotes create triggers in my mind.  It starts the wheels turning.  My brain is a busy place.  I carry a more than a few scars.

This quote triggers recollections of some of the trauma I have endured.  I have had a few broken parts.  I am expendable but yet I have always healed. 

I am not alone.  It builds character.  Others have endured much more.

Fracturing the tibia and fibula in a skiing accident in my youth was excruciatingly painful.  Particularly the removal of the ski boot without  the benefit of pain killers.  I healed.  The leg is strong.

Fracturing seven ribs and the scapula after a motorcycle crash was painful.  The medication was better than when I broke my leg but it left me feeling stupid.  Perhaps it was the concussion.  It only hurt when I was breathing.  I healed.  The ribs, although misaligned, are strong. 

The blockage in my artery was not painful.  The trauma to my psyche was more painful.   Angina was somewhat  painful but more of a serious discomfort.  To some extent you can control the trigger.  Denial was a pretty effective treatment.  Three trips to the cath lab was an interesting experience.  You are awake when they are threading these wires into your heart.  They have a big screen high definition TV.  It was a weird experience. 

The trauma was  in my mind knowing that my life may be shorter than I anticipated and that life will go on just fine without me.  I studied and I learned about coronary artery disease. More inforamtion to absorb.  Fortunately they have invented percutaneous coronary intervention which allowed them to stick some stents in and away I go.  I wonder if they will get plugged up again.  I have healed.  My heart is strong, not sure about the arteries. 

Divorce was painful.  To me emotional pain is harder than physical pain.  Much harder to understand for a thinker.  More painful than it had to be thanks to a passive aggressive ex-wife.  Totally blindsided by the person I trusted the most.  The destruction of my family as I knew it.   So seemingly rash and irrational.  No negotiations, no bargaining.  Such a disappointment.  

It is time to re-engineer the future.  My bond with my sons is strong.  My heart and mind are strong.  I am healing but not healed.

 

9 Unmistakable Signs You’re Dating An INTJ

9 Unmistakable Signs You’re Dating An INTJ
Heidi Priebe

Pretty good article

INTJs are the rational, strategic planners of the Myers-Briggs world. They hold high personal standards for both themselves and others. This analytical type finds themselves drawn to relationships with other intuitive-dominant types who place a high value on intellectual exploration. If the person you’re dating exhibits most of the following behaviors, chances are you’ve got an INTJ on your hands.



1. They’re taking forever to make a move.

INTJs are not impulsive people. In fact, it could take them years to properly decide whether or not the two of you make sense together. First they have to discern whether or not they are attracted to you. Then they have to assess your suitability as a partner. Last but certainly not least (in terms of time allocation), they have to form an action plan regarding which steps they should take to win you over. This process doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a long-ass time for an INTJ to make a move but when they do, you can bet your ass they’re serious about it.



True, my self control is stronger than my impulsiveness.  I have learned that this is not true of most people.



2. You feel a little bit like they’re studying you.

INTJs are interested in people – what makes them tick, what pushes their buttons and how they operate on a rational and emotional level. In the initial stages of getting to know an INTJ it can feel like they’re constantly analyzing you – most conversations are focused on you and you are constantly hearing the words “Interesting,” or “I see.” It takes a bit for the INTJ to shift the focus onto him or herself – they like to listen first and reveal their opinions second.



Only of you are sufficiently interesting.   I want to know!  A mystery, a puzzle to be solved.  I am still trying to figure out women.



3. They don’t take well to changing plans.

If you’ve planned a dinner date with an INTJ on Friday, please – for the love of God – do not call them up Thursday night and say you’d rather go to a party. INTJs plan out their every move – they have probably been contemplating your date on Friday since Monday. Changing the plan at the last minute is offsetting to them – and will almost never go over well.



True!



4. Sex is as mental as it is physical.



To the INTJ, arousal is not purely instinctual. Attraction begins in the mind and the best way to get them in the mood is to mention a sexual fantasy that gets them thinking – hard. INTJs are creative, kinky lovers who view some parts of sex as a challenge. They want to constantly improve their game and continually get their partner off in better, more creative ways. This type enjoys the mental connection that comes with sexual intimacy just as much as they enjoy the raw physical component.



True



5. They understand your motivations better than you do.

We all sugar coat our own core feelings – it’s how we stay emotionally stable. The INTJ, however, isn’t interested in sugar coating anything. They analyze people exactly as they are – the good, the bad and the downright terrifying. They’re often able to identify what it is that inspires and drives you on a level that even you aren’t aware of. It’s a little bit creepy at first but it becomes incredibly useful over time. Just go with it. They get you and that is (usually) a good thing.



Maybe, they have to be rational motivations



6. They react best to direct communication.

INTJs have no patience for passive-aggressive comments or subtle remarks. If something is amiss in the relationship, they appreciate being told point-blank what is wrong and what the best course of action would be to fix it. INTJs want to maintain harmony in a relationship – they simply don’t care to achieve it through guesswork.



I do not get passive-aggressive.  I am not a mind reader. However, if you are direct, it may take me awhile to digest the information and formulate a response or plan of action. 



7. They don’t argue from their emotions.

To an INTJ, every conflict is a puzzle to be solved. Though they can get their feathers ruffled just like any other type, their first reaction is always to break down a given situation, analyze what is or isn’t working and strive to improve upon the existing method of operation. Sound a little technical? Because it is. INTJs use logic to deal with just about every component of their lives – which means they’re going to need a bit of reflection time before they can tell you how they feel about a conflict.



Rational thought rules!  Emotions are scary.



8. They do, however, experience surprisingly strong emotions.

Once an INTJ has decided that you are the partner for them, they become highly emotionally invested in the relationship. Though they aren’t always the masters of showing it, INTJs are emotional – even romantic – at heart. They show their love by devoting themselves to the relationship and by tirelessly working to improve it.



True




9. When it ends, they need closure.

INTJs are balanced out by Ne dominant types – that is, ENFPs and ENTPs. The tricky part of this equation is that both types are a little less relationship-oriented than the serious INTJ. When a partner leaves the relationship with little warning, the INTJ has a difficult time moving on until they can fully understand the cause for the upheaval. Relationships are a puzzle just like everything else and the INTJ wants to solve it before they can finally put it to rest.



True, I missed the whole closure thing in my divorce.  I think it would have made things a little better.  Perhaps some form of relationship could have been salvaged.

Disease of affluence

Chronic non-communicable diseases.  Self inflicted.  This is interesting and rather depressing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diseases_of_affluence


Examples of diseases of affluence include mostly chronic non-communicable diseases (NCDs) and other physical health conditions for which personal lifestyles and societal conditions associated with economic development are believed to be an important risk factor — such as type 2 diabetes, asthma,^[12] coronary heart disease, cerebrovascular disease, peripheral vascular disease, obesity, hypertension, cancer, alcoholism, gout, and some types of allergy.^[1][13][14]
They may also be considered to include depression and other mental health conditions associated with increased social isolation and lower levels of psychological well being observed in many developed countries.^[15][16] Many of these conditions are interrelated, for example obesity is thought to be a partial cause of many other illnesses.<sup>[citation needed]




The diseases of suburbia.</sup>

She excites me, I like her a lot

We get along just fine, yet I do not know her name.  She is a beauty.  She is passionate. I like beauty.  I like passion.  She makes me feel good. 

She requires focus and attention.  I like focus.  It occupies my mind.  My mind will wander but the intense focus must remain.  It has to, we are a team, a partnership.  I have an expectation on where this will end.  I think that I need her more than she needs me.

She suits my personality.  I would like to think she is worthless without me but I know that is not true.   There can and will be another.

My senses are very alive.  I am excited.  I like excitement.  I am acutely aware of my surroundings.

I like the precision. I am not thinking about what to do next, she knows and I know.  It just happens.  She is a good partner.

I trust her.  She never argues with me.  She accepts my faults and responds to my demands no matter how unreasonable they may be.

I will try not to hurt her. I hope she will not hurt me.

She is unforgiving of mistakes.  I made a mistake once, I lost my focus.  I ended up in the hospital.



"When my mood gets too hot and I find myself wandering beyond control I pull out my motor-bike and hurl it top-speed through these unfit roads for hour after hour. My nerves are jaded and gone near dead, so that nothing less than hours of voluntary danger will prick them into life... "
T.E. Lawrence, April, 1923

Cans someone provide a timetable?

It gets better.  That is what I have been told and I mostly agree.  Can someone provide a timetable?  I like to plan.

Sometimes I still dream  about the ex-wife.  It happened last night.  I wish that would not happen.  I do not know how to make it stop.  The dreams are usually pleasant enough but then I wake up and realize there is no longer any value in dreaming about with her.   I really want her out of my head.  She does not deserve to be in my dreams.  My ex, my supposed life partner, is gone.  It is a disturbing and inefficient waste of my dreaming.

 I do dream about other women and other pursuits.  That is healthy.

One day, the person you'd envisioned navigating life with, growing old with, sharing family moments with, unilaterally desecrated that fantasy by walking out.  You learn that she has been unfaithful and is a liar.  She made the decision, yes this is worth the price this will cost me.

Immediately I saw the entire future change.  It did not look better.  What particularly bothered me was the change to my family.  As the song says, sometimes you can’t get back to good.  I was really looking forward to happy family holidays, vacations and mutual grand parenting.

I really did not envision myself in this place.  After the desecration I started out alone, depressed, anxious and unsure.  A severe blow to my self- esteem.   I still struggle to make sense of it.

I have been through the stages; denial, bargaining, anger, grief and acceptance.  I have not made an effort to reduce the cost for her.

I have created a new life that is pretty good.  I am a pretty lucky guy.  I am free to pursue my interests and to choose my obligations.  I am thankful for that.  You get knocked down.  You get up.  That is getting better.