It has been an interesting year

David,

I am so sorry to hear what you learned and so sorry that it occurred.  Had hoped that the gains were realistic and would grow.  I have waited to respond trying to decide what msg I wanted to communicate.  And I decided this was it.  Sometimes that is the outcome, you have every right to be hurt, angry and whatever else you feel.  Please remember that the feelings do not create license to act out (I thought what you wrote made good sense) and for your sake I still recommend a thoughtful response that utilizes both hemispheres of your brain.  It is in your best interest as well as the boys.  And please do limit what you share with the boys about the whys of the outcome of your marriage as that is about the marriage not them or either of your roles as parents.  It also can create a sense of them needing to choose sides/loyalties that is detrimental to your relationship with them and their own mental health.  It is ok to share how you feel (to a point) and what the plan of action is so they can feel secure at this stage it is all about independence for them and I know neither of you want them to regress.  

How can I support you from here?  Would it be ok if I called to check in on you?  I have some opportunities tomorrow.  I also saw the appt for Monday at 5 and wondered if that was you, both or her....any combination is fine by me but would like to check in with you before then too.

Hi Cymbria,

It has been an interesting weekend,  On Saturday, Marie was in charge of homecoming and I went to visit my son at OU.  Thomas was due home at 1 and Marie went to bed while I waited up for our homecoming king.  I heard a buzz from her purse and looked to see if Thomas had left a message.  I found an unfamiliar phone and opened it up.  There is only one number being called on the phone, Ray Lambert.  There has been a total of 54 hours of calls on the phone including some from Saturday.  There was also a picture of Marie’s naked butt and another of a hotel room.  There is no doubt in my mind that she has been continuing to carry on with Ray.  I presume the month to month phone has been recently purchased.

I was obviously crushed.  I thought we were making some progress, but obviously I was wrong.  Perhaps this is why she has been so circumspect with any time table for reunification.  I did send Ray a text stating simply “fuck you Ray, you have no honor”.   As an ex-military officer I thought that this might hit a nerve.  I appreciate it does take two to tango.

I asked Marie to leave that night.  I ranted some about Ray and how they have screwed up our family.

I did tell our sons about the situation.  It seems that she is on a track for mutual assured destruction, financially, family, socially and perhaps her career.  I see no benefit in keeping her betrayal  a secret.

I sent the email below yesterday.

Again, I am very sad and disappointed.  I am not sure if you have any advice but appreciate the opportunity to vent.

Begin forwarded message:

From: Marie Hanna

Subject: Re: Separation

Thank you for letting Thomas stay with you this week.

Sent from my iPhone

Marie,

This is incredibly hard to write.  As you are probably aware I am very  sad and disappointed.  I thought we were making progress but apparently I was wrong.  I have talked to our sons and explained things the best I can.  Your continuing to carry on with Ray  Lambert does not work for me and I can see no benefit to our family.  He has tried to call your special phone multiple times.  I am impressed on how often and how much you talk.

I note that you left your watch here.  You can have Thomas come pick it up along with your special phone and  his medicine.  Let me know what time.  He can stay here starting Tuesday when you are out of town.  If your plans change let me know.

It has been almost five months since you moved out, putatively for the benefit of Thomas.  I no longer think that is the case.   I think we should make our separation formal.  It is not what I wanted but I think that you are either in or out in a marriage, and you appear out.

I will keep the Kia and the Camaro.  There is very little equity, if any, in the Kia.  David can keep the Taurus and we can put the title in his name.  I think you will need to make other arrangements for a car and insurance for Thomas, if you think that is a good idea.

I would suggest that you do a change of address form with the post office.

At this point I think it is best if we communicate through email.  Perhaps that may change sometime, but at this point I fell like a ”woman scorned”.   I would prefer that you not come to the Royalgreen house and I will do the same for Stonegate.  Let me know which email you prefer.

 I would propose that we wait until November 15^th and then split whatever is in the bank account and put any credit cards in separate our separate names an no longer use them in a joint capacity.  I have noted that you have not put any expense checks from your work into the joint account since January yet gas and other expenses show up on the Amex.  I will not put any extraordinary charges on the card.  At that point we can also get separate auto insurance policies.

The investments, pensions and retirement funds will be much more tricky.

I suggest that we strictly  adopt the standard custody agreement which I am attaching.  It provides structure.  I will follow Ray’s lead in his divorce settlement in that after Thomas turns 18, I will not have any further obligations.  We shall see how Thomas and I are getting along.  I have paid the health insurance for 21 years but will not  have obligation starting in March.

I am not sure there is too much more to discuss.  I do not see that more counseling will help with infidelity and you seem intent on going down that road wherever it may lead.

I do hope that you will find your peace and happiness at some point.

P.S.

I saw the picture of your ass on your cell phone.  Did you or Ray take it?  It is not very flattering.