Nine Important Facts to Remember as Geezerhood approaches

 

Number 9
-  Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

 

Number 8
-  Life is sexually transmitted.

 

Number 7
-  Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 

Number 6
-  Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart.   

   If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

 

Number 5
-  Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. 
   Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

 

Number 4
-  Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

 

Number 3
-  All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

 

Number 2
-  In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
   Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 

Number 1
-  Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers.  What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

 

...and as someone recently said to me:

 

Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long.