Possibly misattributed quotes?

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet" 

Abraham Lincoln

Thank you sir, may I have another?

-Rodney King

"I spent most of my money on whisky and women, the rest I wasted."

Bill Clinton

"A penny saved is a penny earned”

Bernard Madoff.

"Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me."

~Julie Andrews

"Let them eat cake!"

-Karen Carpenter

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

Oprah

"One bourbon, one scotch, one beer."

• Mother Teresa

"We're gonna need a bigger boat."

-- Lawrence of Arabia

My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get"

Albert Einstein

"Hold my beer and watch this"

• Stephen Hawking

"Well behaved women rarely make history."

Bruce Jenner

Abstinence matters. Girls wait for the "right" guy!!! 

-Wilt Chamberlain