Another date in July

The anniversary of my wedding. Now just another date on the calendar in July

I  keep busy which keeps me centered.  I have work, dating, projects and hobbies.  I have some cool mechanical things.  I have a nice home and an awesome dog.  However, it still leaves plenty of time to think about my fucked up life.  My long range plans.  Things I could have done better.  As I have noted before, overthinking is not just a hobby for me.  

Most have no idea what it is like to be single and 53.  I have had a couple of health scares.  The plan going forward is pretty vague. 

I acknowledge I lost a girl or more accurately she lost me.  It still seems stupid and irrational.  We had a 30 year history.  We came from Minnesota and shared Minnesota values, food and humor.  We moved to Texas with a dog and almost all of our belongings fit into the back of my pick up.  We raised two fine sons.  We built a pretty secure and comfortable existence.  We had some fun.  It was hard work.

I saw that go down the road with my ex for reasons I still have trouble understanding. 

Sometimes, I actually count myself pretty lucky.

Lucky, because I had 25+ years of a warm loving body next to me that I was happy to wake up next to every morning. Yes things were tough sometimes but it was generally happy, productive time and we have great kids.  I experienced real, true love and security and happiness at a high level. People I have met have had limited experience with those high rewards of life and I feel bad for them. If nothing else, I know at this point I've had more of that than some others ever will. I'm seeing things a bit from the other end now, that rather than just lament what I lost, be thankful that I did experience it, because many don't really get there.

 

I am still looking for my long term plan and security.  The girlfriend is nice but uncommitted.   It is complicated as they say and a change may be in the future.



I may or may not have another 25 years ahead of me but I won't try to fake anything, even to get laid.


Well maybe to get laid.....

I'm Sorry If I Don't Like You (not really)

Some people have been divorced for ages, but me, I am still getting used to it. It's taken awhile because, well, some of us were not that eager to end almost thirty years of commitment. So the whole idea of another male who intruded into my family, and my marriage, well, that just causes me to want to piss on your grave.

It saddens me that the person you marry is not the person you divorce. Growth and change is to be expected.  However, some ethical and moral lines should be respected.  Adultery, lying and conspiring do not make a solid relationship foundation and a make poor example to your employees, family, the military, and friends.

It will probably take superhuman-like strength for me to even say a few words to you if I happen to meet you. To me, you signal the end of my family as I know it, and that makes me very sad. Respect that. Don't cozy up to me or my family. I won't respond well.

My Kids, My Life

In my house, kids don't just respect someone because he or she is older: kids give respect when it is earned.  Your actions and character are suspect at best. Not the best way to start a relationship.

My children still wanted their parents together. They are privileged and spoiled.  You helped bring them some reality.  They wanted that jet ski and lake house.  My children are upset to have two Thanksgivings and two Christmases.  



I would prefer that you stay far away.  You have seven children and alimony payments.  You are not permanent.

You probably heard I was a pain in the ass. I was and I still can be.  The fact is, I am a pretty decent human beinge. I am loyal, responsible, smart, caring and work hard.  Sexy too.

Raymond Lambert, you are a downgrade .  She gave up a lot for you.  I hope you appreciate that.

I don't want a divorce, but that's not how the cards were dealt for me. While I may not be right for my ex, someone else may think I am just right.  I sleep pretty well at night.

The Bad Times

There are going to be times when your relationship with my ex will suck. She snores like a sailor.  She is passive aggressive.  She is not the nice, loyal, innocent churchgoing second grade teacher and mother she once was.  Her best days are behind her.

It's not if it will happen, but a matter of when it will happen.  I will sit by and watch.  You bailed once, perhaps this time you will get the alimony.  If you decide to sign on for a membership, read all the fine print.